Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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