i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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