please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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