got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
