this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
