Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
