so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
