i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
