He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
