How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
