i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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