It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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