I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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