Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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