he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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