I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
