i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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