Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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