check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
