He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
