Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
