I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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