I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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