theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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