8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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