I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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