He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
