the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
