Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
