he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
