I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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