I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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