I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
