what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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