I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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