i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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