3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
