Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
