you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
