i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
