He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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