Your face is a jimmy john
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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