Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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