I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
