If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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