i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
