i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am one with the molecules
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
