I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
