Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to stick my p in your. b.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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