I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
