Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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