thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
