soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
