You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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