Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
