I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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