I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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