she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
