For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
