So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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