pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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